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Eyes Only For You
Had to run down for my quarterly “Personality Shots” at the VA this week (Incidentally, I can see NO improvement, but the doctors, well you know doctors, they insist). So in order to appease them, I drive in every now and then and they poke and prod my secret places.
As a word of caution here, always subscribe to Rule #5 of the Veteran’s Administration Handbook which says:
NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT.
Hey, they are now DOCTORS and they will tell you all about 4 years of medical school, 4 – 7 years in residency and another one or two in fellowships have already made it impossible for your doctor to speak normal English anyway.
Moving on, the VA is now hiring, new blood coming on scene, as a result of the massive clean-up recently instituted by the U.S. Government. You remember the U.S. Government don’t you, those wonderful patriotic Boy Scouts with field artillery and Agent Orange.
As I need to get a new prescription, I secured an appointment and drove down there for a eye exam. I recently had sat on my glasses, which are not water tested to 6 fathoms, nor are they stress tested to support two-hundred none of your damn business.
Short answer:
“I need new prescription peepers.”Entering the Exam room, I meet the “new guy” not very old, but at my age, everyone is starting to look like a kid, that is, “when they are in focus and I can see them.” So I sit down and then I say to him, “Are you going to be my new Optometrist?” (You catch that? It should have been Ophthalmologist, but I kind of transposed them unfortunately)
Mr. Cover Your Right Eye then begins to deftly explain to me the “distinct differences in the two words, and emphasizes to me that he is NOT in any uncertain terms, an Optometrist.” I let him run his full course, then I said, “Listen sonny, just a slip of the tongue, it is not the end of the world. Could happen to anyone. Now I will tell you something if I may? This is the VA this is not LensCrafters at the Mall. It might be a good idea to watch how you talk to people around here, we are after all Vets and we do know how to kill people. So, in a fashion that you might understand, I will ask you again. Are you going to be my new EYE DOCTOR?“
End of discussion.
Hell, who wants to be an EYE DOCTOR anyway. I want to be an RV Gynecologist. Have already ordered a business card and the whole bit. Text us your current campground location, and before you know it, your very own personal exam behind my Old Bus or your Sparkling Stainless Triple-Slide Rolling Ramada!
Our friendly staff is here to serve you, no appointment necessary. I am not a real doctor but I would be glad to take a look. 405-*** -2666. We are pleased to also announce that if can’t make it to us, we will make it to you.
Might be one possible snag.
I wonder, do you need a medical license. in order to do this?
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2 Replies
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Oakie,
Your VA eye doc may have been a foot doc last month, keep your on on em.
My annual visit to the VA to be poked and prodded is always such a joy, especially if I step over the blue line painted on the floor before it’s my turn at the sign in desk. Don’t do that! You do have a blue line that cannot be crossed, right?
Can’t beat the scrips, but if I need anything other than pills, no thanks. Seriously, the clinics aren’t too bad here around Atlanta, but if you have to go to the main VA center in Atlanta, actually Decatur, it’s a sad state of affairs.
I went through the Agent Orange screening back in the early 70’s and after all the tests and procedures it was time to talk to the Doc. She spent about 10 minutes with me going over things and all of a sudden, she looks at me and says, “you’re not a woman, I have the wrong file.” True story…
God help our Veterans….
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The prescriptions are great, the rest of it, I dunno. Went in for a blood test and at the time was 2.5 pints low, pretty serious, the VA didn’t even notice it. Two days later in the ER of a private hospital, they said, “Uh, you wuz almost a goner for sure sport.”
“How was your operation at the VA Frank?”
“Not so bad. They forgot to take out a sponge, and I sure was thirsty for awhile, but it is fixed now.”
Makes you wonder huh?
Watch them Right-Handers and Keep Al and Mary Ellen in mind.
BCO
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